It all started with the phrase, "so i herd u liek mudkipz". Now it's time to create something out of it... a new site featuring everything and anything about "so i herd..."
Every day there will be a "so i herd" topic and something interesting on it... for people who have nothing to do, this is your perfect opportunity to get rid of boredom and check it out!
Should you see four Mudkip, they will eat you. Five or more, and a Grue will eat you instead. The reason behind the above is as follows: Mudkips only feel tough when in the company of other Mudkips, and let's face it, it only takes four to beat the stuffs out of Norris. Any less, and Norris will rip out their organs and sell them to the Scottish for a zorkmid a pound. But that's not the point. Now for the next part. Five Mudkips will cause confusion within them. They will be unsure who should be the Mudkip the other four eat. Enter a random Grue. The Grue will see the five Mudkips and will find a random adventurer to eat just to make itself look too strong for the Mudkips to take down. This has been happening more and more in the passing months. So whatever you do, don't look at four Mudkips. Remember, they can't get you if you can't actually see them. Talk about clusterluck. Mudkips can also kill people with conventional weapons. They were responsible for the death of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs in San Francisco in 1984, when one leapt from a 42-story building, landed on his head, and asplode. "Bob" could never play golf again after that. But then again, who would want to flatuate a Mudkip. Sometimes it might also use it's funshot, if so... RUN!
Boredom is a disease which often causes sterility in mammals. It has a wide range of symptoms, which may differ from case to case. The disease (Boredom) was genetically engineered in the 16 Century. Many societal ills blamed on video games and popular culture are in fact caused by boredom. Philologienne and dinosaur huntress Marie Curie wrote of this in her landmark work Frankenstein, or, a Modern Narcissus in 1847. Since Curie's paper on the subject was so boring, her conclusions went unread until 2003, when a tenacious reader finally discovered the end of the paper. Curie's research was reprinted in a more interesting form in 2004, as part of the scholarly journal Chicken Soup for the Pacific Rock Sole, but the findings were attacked as "19th century bourgeois burqa-enforcing silver-spoon eugenics" and "A slap in the face to what used to be a perfectly snarky field of study" by spokespeople for theSPCA and the NRA (respectively). Other activists thought about joining in the debate, but all sides agreed to give up since the subject was so dull. This pathetic compromise and attack on scientific study was accompanied by self-satisfied chuckles all around. Boredom has grown from three victims in 1926 to nearly fifty times that last year. The startling spread of the disease is believed by many to be irrelivant, and boring. If you keep on reading this, then you have way to much time on your hands and if you have actually typed in boredom then it suggests that you are, indead, very bored. Which is unfortunate. Boredom has been developed into a weapon by the United Spades Government, and is being forcibly induced in its populace because of its mind control potential. The most mysterious figure in the boredom conspiracy is a government agent and television personality code-named London Marriott. Marriott is rumored to be responsible for spreading a massive amount of boredom and causing the recent outbreak of 2003, but nothing else is known of him (or her?) Younus Qureishy once wrote a 500 page disertation on how boredom was one of the leading causes of death in Saudi Arabia, unfotunately his report was never published and is currently located in the a dusty old drawer beneath two layers of nerds, and a 6 boxes of Winter Fresh gum. Initially, there is a tendency towards inactivity, a condition which may take hold of a person for as little as a few minutes, or as long as an entire lifetime. This is often followed by nervious habbits, such as biting nails, tapping, cracking knuckles, staring, fantasizing, stalking, denying that you were stalking, tapping, taking a bite out of an already half eaten doughnut you see laying on bob's desk, getting herpes from said doughnut, tapping, scratching, making a list of the order in which you would kill everyone if you were a psycho that would do that kind of thing, tapping, bashing your face repeadedly against your desk while uttering curses and profanities at the clock, and getting fired because your boss thought you were talking about him. Boredom has been shown to affect the time lobe, the part of the brain that moves time forward. For an individual infected with boredom, time will laugh at you, and make fun of your mom. This simple state of being "bored" may lead to all kinds of complications. While boredom itself is a nonfatal disease, when a person is bored his or her brain is weakened and more often susceptible to more dangerous ailments such as Stupidity (Morbus Stultissimus) and Grammar (M. Verbosus). If you or someone you know is suffering from boredom, contact your Scientology Space Opera House immediately.
Cheese, while considered a food source extracted from the udders of the cheese plant by most people, is in fact a highly intelligent and evolved form of mold that when introduced into the human bloodstream moves towards the brain at an alarmingly quick rate. It destroys large portions of its victims cranial mass and converts it into an extreme version of leptothirosis. This in turn attacks the users liver and pancreas turning the victim into a gibbering mass of diseased turnips. This process is called cheesemancy and can be mastered by cheesemancers Lvl 10 & Up(C.P.C.) as seen in Michael Moore's hit soap opera, Super-Size My Ass; The hilarious story of a man made of cheese who dies to feed his mother (who is terminally ill with some tropical disease you and I have never heard of). Never feed cheese to your grandparents as a chemical reaction could take place in their bodies causing them to explode and splatter all over your dog. Everyone knows that if you were to ask an idiot to state something random, their response would involve monkeys, pie, or cheese. This simple test is used in laboratories all across Europe. It has long been believed that cheese is the holiest substance in existence. Eating cheese is proven to cure Anal Cancer, Hepatitis Z and West African Plunger Disease, Soap toenails, Typhoo syndrome and Fat Boy Syndrome. Cheese also works quite well as a substitute for vaseline. Unsurprisingly, The French have recently declared Swiss cheese to be 'the new black', but you should never try to wear Swiss, no matter how small the holes are. Cheese is also found on the Moon, although it is the blue variety. It is said that the Man on the Moon creates it. (It has also been reported that the moon is made entirely of Parmesan Cheese - but, as everyone knows, this is utter codswallop). Moon cheese is much more nutritious than fromunda cheese, and almost as nutritious as fried cheese. The city Bruxelles is a large consumer of cheese due to famous Gouda cheese Embargo that Rasmuscles from Bruxelles so elegantly solved some years ago. Take some stuff, mix it together, let it grow mold, and then sell it to high class people with 'mature tastes'. It is also possible to find someone who has made a "cheese and crackers" platter, and by using a complex extraction process (stealing) take the cheese from the aforementioned "cheese and crackers". Just to acquire a simple piece of cheese. You worthless freeloader. You could have just gone to the moon and gotten some. Moon cheese is better anyways. There is another way to make cheese: pick up 12-year-old-puke, put yellow color-dye in it, throw it in a pot, and you have cheese (please note: your puke must be exactly 12 years old (no more, no less) or your head will explode and you will regret eating sausages for the rest of your life). If there is one equation that maths teachers should always teach before the basic , it is definitely Albert Einstein's Theory of Cheeseology: Taking his famous equation of: One can assume the letters represent:
Inputting the equation into a word equation we get: The fact that Cheese is squared in the above equation results in eating to excess in order to square the amount of cheese you would normally eat. For example, if you ate 50g of Cheese per day, then to abide by Einstein's Law then you must eat in order to be consuming the necessary amount of cheese. Turning the equation into an English sentence should result in: "Eat More Cheese than you normally would"* *it could also be translated to mean "Eat More Square Cheese," a direct shapist blow to all the cheese wheels of the world. It has been proven via medical examinations that various parts of your body are filled with cheese. These include your arteries, nerves, brain, CD drive, and middle toes on your left feet. It is also common knowledge that most dogs enjoy the taste of the rare cheese found only in the meat area of the human body. To be more accurate, your brain is 50% cheese. If you have never realised this, then you've got a mind block, because half of your brain is clogged with liquid cheese. This is common, so don't panic. To permanently prevent the cheese blockage you can have dairysuction performed at your local hospital. Dairysuction is often expensive and a cheaper alternative has been found in the old technique of rat snorting. Similar in origin to Kitten Huffing, rat snorting grew very popular in the late 67th century, and has since then dwindled until a recent resurgence in the necrophiliac population. Rat snorting makes many feel a pleasurable tickling sensation as the rat eats the liquid cheese out of their brain. Significant brain damage often ensues and the most common side effect is uncontrollable hiccups and lucky charm-flavoured phlegm. One thing the world will never understand about cheese is that when its green, its more valuable. Although green is thought to be mold, it's snot.
Insane is an expression used by locals of the town of Sane to describe themselves with relation to the rest of the world. A state of mind that usually brings on the illusion that there is someone out there, be it God, the FBI or just some random person who is trying to rob, pillage and plunder the quiet town of Sane. The town being a metaphor for one's own comfort zone of everything they believe to be true, or measuring up to reality. Being Insane, you can experience such things as seeing hippos and elephants jumping on the couch, or frogs saying "Burn the House' and they always listen. Always. A man I once knew said, "Once an insane man came up to me and said, "Why did someone decide to smash your face in with a banjo?" I was farley insulted, so I took a whack at him and he actually thanked me for it." Being insane can be caused by being Drunk , or taking too many drugs. Also, one could refer to someone as being Dom, in which case one would be referring to dom le crazed madman, and one would be inferring that one is insane-lost all sanity. Gus is insane. Gus Peterson is the weirdest guy ever. He drinks too much beer. WHY IS HE SO?!! If you see Gus Peterson be aware, he WILL harm you. He will probably shove tobacco down your throat, and maybe even up your butt. Run away!!! But Riese was also insane and wanted to marry him... he also humped a couch...
Obesity (AKA Podgy Syndrome) is a term used to describe people that are extremely fat, and generally spend much of their time consuming vast quantities of food. Throughout history, due to endless food shortages, most people saw obesity as desirable, but in the last twenty years the US Surgeon-general has succeeded in brainwashing many people into considered obesity as an evil that must destroyed. In reality, though, obesity is merely a type of lifestyle, like athleticism or being a geologist. Before embarking on any change in weight, try to enjoy being fat and think it over really hard. Do you really want to eat less than you already do? Perhaps a little more exercise would provide the improvement in body mobility you seek... Obesity has existed since prehistoric times with the emergence of the species Glutted Man whose evolutionary branch split off from the proto-Homo or "skinny" line. The Glutted Man (Homo gluttirini) , or The Pig Man Oh no! was a genspecies of a Homo genus that inhabited Europe and parts of Africa. The first proto-Pigdown Man traits appeared in kitchens as early as his birth 15 years ago The fat eventually ate him leading to the creation of the first ever black hole to emerge that only took in food which is why Africans are starving. By 130,000 years ago, full blown Pigdown characteristics had appeared. In 2000, anthropologist Thomas Aquinas took a more expansive view of the species, breaking it down into five distinct subspecies:
Homo Studiosina, for a long time believed to have been the last surviving branch, died out 30,000 years ago while recent evidence has shown that Homo Nimisina survived to modern times. For a time it was believed that the last surviving member of this subspecies was Porky Pig, but it was later discovered that another specimen, Mr. Greedy, lives. A detailed vivisection done on Porky Pig revealed that Pigdown Man had a stomach that was eighteen times larger than that of an average person. Homo Ardenterina was undoubtedly the most unusual variant of the species. Among its attributes, the species had developed multiple mouths to enable them to take in a continuous flow of food. One fully intact specimen discovered in 1912 at Pigdown, had a total of nine eating orifices. A minority of zoologists argue that the two subspecies of Homo Nimisina and maybe Homo Lautina are not extinct. This theory was put forward by those zoologists who had taken part in the Palookaville Fat Study. They based their claims on the PFS final report; however most scientists argue that they have too many anatomical differences between themselves and humans for modern day Obese Humans to be considered members of either group. What is likely is that one of them may turn out to be an ancestral species. As a result of the many studies performed, it has been determined that there are many different kinds of fat people, with obesity being categorized: Chubby: Person has a little fat here and there. Shows only a little. Could be taken for a thin person from a distance. Pleasantly Plump: Rounded and plump. Fat now more pronounced, but with the result of enhancing a persons appearance, especially in the area of the face. Cheeks are round and perfect to pinch. A double-chin begins to show. Plump: A BMI of 82.0. Rounded and plump, with now noticeable increase in the size of the belly. Portly: A BMI of 92.0. Person now is bulky in figure; heavily built -- fat now significantly noticeable; people will turn to stare. Can be mistaken for muscle AKA "hard fat." Fat: A BMI of 142.0. At this point, a person is by medically considered obese/fat ass. People in this class are significantly rounded in figure. Obese: Generally, a BMI of over 9,000. Fat now overwhelming. Knees are locked straight and unable to bend. Difficulty walking, tend to trip on their own stomach fat. Can only run with food nearby. Grande Obese: Generally, weight above 9...tons that is. Fat is now totally overwhelming the person. Person cannot walk or move, breathing becomes an overwhelming exercise. People in this class of obesity must be fed constantly. Have difficulty seeing since fat is covering their eyes. Movement only provoked by food. Edward Cullen: Edward Cullen is pretty darn fat, metaphorically speaking... The Greek person called homer wrote stories about what would happen if you eat Hungry Jacks such as you will die of fatness. Rosie O'Donnel: Subject is generally sunken into his/her own fatness and begins to take on a sort of Dominating Male/Dykiness aurora. Morbidly Obese: Just like Morbidly Obese Albert, this is one of the most lethal classes of obese individuals. At approximately 1,800-14,500 tons, earthquakes can easily be caused by these fatties. Are entirely sedintary, unless they smell food. At least 80 tons of food per day must be fed to the morbidly obese individual, or else they will pass out. Generally live in houses with steel and concrete-reinforced structures, lest the morbidly obese individual falls through the ground or may accidentally smash down a wall when food is nearby. If unable to get to food (such as a wall blocking them), the morbidly obese individual will continue to attempt to get the food (even if it means slamming into a wall 500 times) until the scent is lost or the individual falls asleep. America: The only nation where the people weigh more than the country itself, at approximately 14,500-900,484,438 pounds.
Shoop Da Whooping is an age old artform, and it is important that one knows how to do it in today's fast paced, high energy world. Shoop da Whoop can be used in many different situations in many different ways. Shooping Da Whoop can cook a pizza. Shooping Da Whoop can kill 50 cent better then a tenth bullet . Shooping da Whoop can also impress a boss during a job interview. There are three main steps to Shooping Da Whoop; CHARGIN' your lazer, FIRIN' your lazer, and SHOOP DA WHOOP! This is probably the first thing that a person needs to learn before they can Shoop Da Whoop. You need to know when it is appropriate to Shoop Da Whoop. For instance, it is appropriate to Shoop Da Whoop at an absinthe party, in front of Oscar Wilde. However, it is EXTREMELY inappropriate to "IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAH" Shoop Da Whoop while in the presence of methane gas fumes, as you may asplode yourself,or others. 360 million years ago a platypus learnt how to shoop da woop and it fired its lazor making all dinosaurs become exctinct except the rator and t rex and the ancient feud continued on to present day. the platypus was jango fetts ancestor. There are four steps to know when/where to Shoop Da Whoop.
Is it legal where you live?: This is the first thing you should ask when shooping any whoop, since Shooping da woop is illegal in over 69 States, but not in Texas, because Chuck Norris lives there! In any of these states, you could be severely punished for shooping a whoop of any kind.
Are you near a zoo?: You must ask yourself this for many animals have adverse reactions to a Shoop Da Woop. Although many animals grow extra limbs, Some endangered species will drop dead when one is made. Lions and other carnivores will triple in size and escape their cages. This can be very dangerous as they will need more meat to sustain their larger bodys.
Are There monkeys Around?: This is a VERY important question to ask yourself before Shooping da Whoop. Don't even ask what happens if there's monkeys round. It's just bad... ok, I'll tell you... everyone on earth is turned into an Emo. This has only happened once before, when Jebus fired his lazer by his pet monkey. Luckily, the next generation realized how stupid Emos were and stopped being Emos.
Are there small children/old people near by?: If so, don't Shoop your Whoop Homie. Old people present will instantly turn into dust, and then fart dust(what babies do), and young children will more or less panic and Randomly Explode!!! [["Colin Mockery": A recent study of Shooptology ( The study of 'BLAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!') recently discovered that Firin' at Colin Mockery actually cancels the effects of the lazer! Studies reveal that his head is in fact reflective and can reverse the SHOOP DA WOOP. While much more testing is underway on the effects of reverse SHOOP DA WOOP (it is possible that it is the Royal Rainbow), it is clear that Colin Mockery can negate the lazer.
The final step is the easiest. First you must yell either "1MMA F1R1N' M4H L4YZ4!!!", "SHOOP DA WHOOP!!" or "LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEEEEENNNNNNNKIIIINS!!!" followed by a loud "KKKKKKEEEEERRRRBBBBBLLLLLAAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The ball of energy will turn into a magnificent blue lazor. When your target is hit by the big ass Shoop Da Whoop lazer, several things might happen. If all went TOTALLY well, the target, along with everyone around them, will be destroyed by the massive power that is asploding out of your mouth. Another possibliity is that the target may experience a severe feeling of uneeze and fright followed by spontaneous combustion. Or, it can destroy a random half of a webpage. They may also be thrown from here to the end of the universe, and I mean across the universe, where Chuck Norris is waiting, where then he will either roundhouse kick them so hard that they turn into a cloud of blood, or he will roflstomp all over their soul, which, believe me, is not a pleasant sensation. If you saw it, you were probably the target. They may also be immediately transformed into a wankster, baggy pants and everything. This will no doubt impress all of your friends at the party that you are Shooping Da Whoop at, which is, without a doubt, the most appropriate place to ever Shoop Da Whoop....EVAR! In 1985 a major fire was reported after a most wanted terrorist said I'mma firen my lazor, but was mistaken for saying 'Theres a fire in Malaysia'. The man was arrested 6 hours later, and sentaced to 6 years in jail. The final thing that might happen when you Shoop Da Whoop is a disasterous cataclysmic event. Well, in all honesty, it's a pretty damn awesome event. All of the chavs, wanksters, preps,and other annoying pop culture groups known to man will be wiped off the face of the earth. The last time this happened is when god pulled off a massively awesome Shoop Da Whoop and wiped those poser dinosaurs off the face of the earth. When you are done, you should take a rest,and let your lazer recharge, unless you are Chuck Norris because, if he had a lazer, it would take no time to recharge.
The speed bump is a bump built for speed. Unlike stationary bumps, the speed bump is fully mobile and ready to rock. These types of bumps, which come in many varieties, are found all over the world. Examples of speed bumps include helicopters, automobiles, and chariots. What's the difference between a phat person on the road and a speed bump? You slow down for the speed bump. Speed bumps have existed since the dawn of time. God created horse-drawn carriages for Adam and Eve, who rode around the Garden of Eden until their carriage was hijacked by Satan. Carriages were mainly forgotten until Roman times, when chariots became popularized. It is believed that Emperor Nero, a great benefactor to man, was the inventor of these speed bumps. It wasn’t until later that land-based speed bumps were improved. The first airborne speed bump was an airplane built by the Wright brothers to escape Dayton, Ohio. Though these early versions were crude and slow, they inspired a new generation of flying speed bumps. For many years, the main method of propulsion for speed bumps was horsepower. The popularization of automobiles changed this. Suddenly, speed bumps that once needed horses to move them were running faster and cleaner on gas. Since the introduction of this revolutionary concept, pollution has virtually disappeared, and the Earth is cleaner than ever. Furthermore, as steam engines became more powerful, boats were invented for the single purpose of racing. Tugboats, airplane carriers, and cruisers further graced our seas, mocking the simple bumps of the whale and the turtle. Meanwhile, in the skies, airplanes were being constantly improved upon. State-of-the-art Soviet spy planes allowed such movements as theRed Scare to go unimpeded, while Russian MIG’s delivered justice in the heavens. As aerodynamics were improved, speed bumps reached new heights. Today, speed bumps enter our lives daily. Go-karts, race cars, and monster trucks all add to the enjoyment of everyday life as humans strive harder to make their speed bumps the best there are. Submarines allow us to sink other innocent, water-bound speed bumps, while cruise ships exist for the sole purpose of being targets for these wonderful creations. We’ve even sent speed bumps into space. Such inventions as space shuttles and rocket ships show conclusively that speed bumps can do anything they set their engines to. Speed bumps have demonstrated the limitless capabilities of human technology.
“One small step for man, one giant leap for speeding bumps everywhere.”
~ Hitler, playing with his toy speed bumps in the bathtub.
Yoshi (Yoshipodicasaurus homoerotica) is a deformed creature native to Yoshi's Island. Eventually it was enslaved by Nintendo when Yokomatikatyotazukani Nyagatipitokamayamapito, a queer little man living under a Japanese Rainbow, forced it to become one of its mascots. They are also the gay husbands of Birdos. They married them because they think they're girls and they don't read the enclosed instruction manual in Doki Doki Panic. They also the give births to fab celebs such as the "I didn't do it" Boy and Tay Zonday. Yoshis are often identified by one of their defining characteristics. These include: tendency to lick things, thumbs, tendency to lick people, shoes, tendency to lick animals, a permanent saddle and tendency to lick itself. Yoshis come in many flavors including, but not limited to: strawberry, blueberry, blackberry, whiteberry, snozberry, chocolate, grass, and purple drank. Yoshis are social creatures, traveling in flocks. They're all hermaphrodites, which means even the boy ones can lay eggs. The typical Yoshi also exhibits exemplary skills in jumping in mid-air. Despite their air-jumping potential, they will curl up and die in their eggs unless freed by an outside force (usually an obese plumber with girlfriend problems). They possess tongues of prodigious lengths. However, this has resulted in their domestication, and use in Yoshi Trafficking. Yoshis were domesticated by Mushroom Kingdom settlers originally due to their delicious milk. However it was soon realized how useful Yoshis could be as a mode of transportation, as well as combat (and that wasn't actually milk :O). A simple punch in the back of the head forces the slaves to use their tongues, eating whatever is in front of them. Also squatting on the Yoshi forces them to eject an egg. The Yoshis can also be commanded to hurl the projectiles, causing explosive, psychedelic, colorful, pyrotechnic displays. Yoshis can also serve a useful purpose when you are falling to your death. You won't die. Amazingly enough, Yoshis seem to like being ditched and will re-appear in the same box they were first found. Yoshis are found in many places. These places include: Jamaica, Canada, Gay Pride Parades, under small children, on top of other Yoshis, under other Yoshis, trapped within eggs,McDonald's Breakfast Menu and in a Snuggie. However their original habitat was on the fittingly named "Yoshi's Island". Yoshi's Island was an interesting place, where clumsy storks roamed while, witchcraft and wizardry ran rampant. It also rained Italian children and toast. Yoshi's Island is also home to various strange forms of fauna and flora. These include masked midgets, pygmy aboriginals, and completely useless tomatoes, with no function whatsoever. Yoshi locals have the propensity of being changed to a 2D, book-like state. Since the start of the recorded history of Yoshi's Island, many inhabitants have emigrated to the Mushroom Kingdom, where any form of life can mount the back of a Yoshi without any thought, and start humping the crap out of the green dinosaur. Yoshis survive by eating humans alive, by using Yoshi's trademark abilities to swallow unfortunate victim and lay them out trapping in Yoshi egg. Which Yoshi does secretly at night. Depended on how hungry Yoshi is, Yoshi either cooks the victim into roast egg (Mmm, yummy) or letting them trapped and hatch them by sitting on them, turning them into a baby Yoshi to help get more food and taking over the world. That's the reason why Yoshi still survive since the start of time. Fortunately, Ronald McDonald somehow manages to abduct the unlucky victims to make his McDonald'sBreakfast Menu, as mentioned earlier. Nintendo had, for a long time, tried to advertise solely to the balding overweight plumber crowd. However due to reduced profits they wanted to expand their audience to include retarded children as well as talking animals. Nintendo's initial success with Yoshis caused them to domesticate, breed and sodomize them to a point where they could be used for whatever purpose Nintendo desired. The Yoshis they "developed" wound up in several of their own games, one sold poorly due to critics, others done average, ironically, compared to Mario series, all sell, much less.
The Burger was first invented by Ronald McDonald of McDonalds, Nebraska in the year 40BMcD. He created the first Burger when his wife had the arrogance to refuse to bear him a son and instead burdened him with a loathsome daughter. He gave the order to his guards and the two were promptly ground up, grilled, and placed between two sesame seed buns before being thrown to King Andrew's dogs, which to this day are the only animals known to be able to stomach and even possibly enjoy a burger. Upon learning of this, much of the peasants gathered the audacity to revolt against the king. They were turned into burgers as well, and with the help of Merlin they were brought to life and set loose to destroy mankind. Since then the burger has become the national food of america (it shows)! Should a burger attack you by waving it's salads at you there are several things you can do. The wisest of these is to run away screaming, as the burger will then chase you until you die of exhaustion. This will be a damn sight longer than if you just stared at it with your mouth open, you gormless twerp! Other methods of protection include covering yourself in a blanket as this may confuse the burger enough for you to run away without being chased. The other way is to dance as it will draw the ceiling cat near to scare the burger away. The almighty ceiling cats can defeat burgers and cheeseburgers. The Great Burger War of '63 is when the burgers unleashed their biggest weapon on us yet. The Big Mac. Whilst initially looking tasty, they were actually bloody dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. There was no defense against these behemoths unleashed by theMcDonalds corporation against the world. They still ruled, until the Soviets used Russian Reversal on them, meaning that instead of everyone being pwned by the Big Macs, the Big macs were pwned by everybody. Thus an end to the war, but it's scars still live today. The McDonalds corporation has opened a restaurant chain to try and get hosts for their next dangerous burger invention, but no-one likes it very much and it has been closed down no less than seven times. Whilst in no way advisable some people actually try to use burgers as drugs and there is actually a king of the burger drug industry. This king blatantly advertises his product and claims to be generous, but actally he's a lemon in disguise. To correctly use a burger as drugs you must have spent your whole life from the moment of birth dead, otherwise you will die soon. If you meet these criteria all you need is a straw, which you then use to poke and distract the burger while you grab and inhale with your other hand. Burgers are usually made from ground meat or meat substitute, then re-shaped to form patties, cooked (if applicable) and eaten. Burgers made with beef are traditionally known as hamburgers, though, due to the profusion of burger types over the last few decades, are also called beef burgers. Other meats such as venison, bison, pork, chicken, turkey, human, or fish can be used. The name generally changes accordingly, with the name of the burger prefixed by that of the meat source. For example, a turkey burger uses ground turkey meat, a buffalo burger uses ground meat from a bison. A Jersey burger consists of hamburger and fish (filet or burger) in one bun. Veggie burgers (alternately called a tofu burger. vegiburger or garden burger) use a meat substitute (for example, tofu, TVP, seitan (wheat gluten), or an assortment of vegetables, nuts or soy protein, which are ground up and mashed into patties) for the vegetarian and vegan consumer. Burgers not made from beef are often marketed as more exotic than hamburgers or as being healthier than beef-patties. There are usually other accompaniments or condiments piled onto the meat portion. These might include any combination of cheese (a cheeseburger is not a burger made primarily from cheese, but rather a hamburger with a slice of cheese in it), vegetables (lettuce, tomato, onion, pepper, pickles,hamsters) and sauces (mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, barbecue sauce, orange sherbet, etc.)
Water (AKA H20 dumbassogen monoxide) is quite possibly the world's nastiest substance. Chemical name is Dihydrogen Monoxide, as can be seen from the Periodic Table. After all, there is no universally accepted theory as to what exactly H20 stands for. One theory states that when you take two hoses (represented as symbol "H") and add it to a circular shaped object (represented as symbol "O") you get H20. Behold, water is made! Do not allow skin, homework or children to come into contact with water. If you do, Steven Segal will crash through your roof and kick you in the face. Water is extremely dangerous, it is odourless and invisible and MAY CAUSE SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION if inhaled, water is also impossible to detect without a divining rod. Symptoms of water abuse may include burbling, gargling, drowning, and/or a cool refreshed feeling. Lord Byron used it to swim. But then again, he was a bit insane... When I drink water, I like to imagine drinking trillions of mickey mouse heads. 70.8% Of Earth is covered with water, which makes it the largest water selling planet across the milky way and the poop galaxy. Water is an industrial corrosive agent and solvent, even more so with salt and oxygen dissolved in it. Water is also one of the most powerful psychoactive drugs known to man. After taking a dose of water, patients have experienced visions of traveling through every single dimension (yes, all 17 of them). Others say that after taking a hit of this "Water" they have experienced the feeling of traveling at the speed of light despite the fact that they are traveling very slowly. The French word for water is Evian, "naive" spelled backwards. According to statistics, almost seventy-five percent of the Earth's surface is made of water. This is believed to be due to the strong lobby of the water industry. In recent news, Georgia is on a total water ban. As of now there is a two day water supply. Atlanta, GA, only has a minutes-worth water supply. Please use water sparingly. YOU, In the red shirt, are DRINKING water! Global Warming- Most scientists have attributed the abrupt rise in the average temperature of the earth since the 19th century to an increase in atmospheric CO2 concentration due to human consumption of fossil fuels. This is incorrect. CO2 has two minor absorption bands in the infra-red. Water has 30 absorption bands and a much higher concentration in the atmosphere. Global warming is due to the water produced by combustion, not carbon dioxide. As the earth temperature rises, more and more water is in the vapour state where it absorbs infra-red radiation and is 100 times more important than C02 as a greenhouse gas. Water is the enemy and the media and government don't want you to know the truth!
Super Mario Galaxy is a three dimensional adventure game for the Wii featuring Nintendo's popular character, Mario. Aside from the obvious and tired plotline of saving princess Peach, the game is highly innovative in its gameplay, which mostly occurs in outer space. Mario's favorite "Powerup", Mushrooms, return again in this game as a way for him to access 3 different forms, all based on failed designs for his character considered by Nintendo in the past. Bowser, Mario's insidious rival for peach's affections, has stolen peach and taken her on what he hopes to be a romantic space cruise during one of Mario's routine visits to castle peach. Mario is sent flying into the void of space and crashes into a tiny planet, wiping out the native smurf population. Out of the blue, several stars appear and offer to guide Mario to their mother who happens not to be a star. Soon after he meets her she whisks him away to her observatory, which is completely powerless due to gas prices being much too high. The star-mother, whose name is Rosalina, has decided to convert to solar energy, but because she does not want to use her children for power, she asks Mario to scour the universe for Stars, promising that she will assist him in saving peach if he is able to re-power the observatory. The gameplay of Super Mario Galaxy is highly innovative as it takes place in space, a frontier that is rarely explored by video games. In each of the levels, Mario must work his way through several planets,mario has become stupid enough to just to spin. rocketing from one to the next by way of spinning pilot stars (which, for realism, frequently cause Mario to become dizzy/nauseous) in order to reach a boss or a special location where a large star is being held by forces unknown. Through the levels the star-children will help Mario, often in exchange for star bits, which are small items cleverly hidden in items often smaller than the bits themselves that the stars find delicious and which can also be fired at enemies for massive damage. One of the most apparent and new features of the game is the ability for Mario to change forms using mushrooms found around the levels. These mushrooms will transform Mario into one of three unique and slightly helpful forms: Bee Mario, who can sting enemies at the cost of one life, Boo Mario, who is simply bee mario with the Es changed to Os, and Spring Mario, who is able to leap across small gaps and over small obstacles. To increase the player's chances to experience the many new features in the game, the player must complete each level many times over, and is even offered many bonus versions of the levels, which look the same but feel more rewarding. When the player has completed every single level the required number of times to obtain all the stars the observatory needs to keep it powered, they can return there and finally be ferried to Bowser's space lair to repeat their past experiences one more time before the credits roll. There are very few side quests/adventures in the game, as the repetitive and confusing levels are meant to occupy all of the player's time. Luigi, Mario's older brother and heroic idol, returns to guide him in collecting special green stars, which only the mighty Luigi is actually capable of touching. Other side quests include stars from the observatory who become violently sick and explode to create dangerous new galaxies which Mario is encouraged to traverse in order to collect more stars, and helping Rosalina to choose which dress to wear in the observatory each day. Super Mario Galaxy is able to support up to 2 people playing simultaneously. If another player joins a 1 player game, they will be able to challenge the first player by eliminating Mario's resources and hindering his movement. Through this unique method of cooperation, the game becomes much more exciting as Mario swerves and twists around uncontrollably as both players fight for control, and becomes more challenging as he scours the cracks and dark corners of the level for extra star bits to replace the ones fired into the walls of the level by the second player. (A post on Super Mario Galaxy 2 will be here soon, right after I beat the game)
Nerds. You've seen them everywhere, In your school, your bus, your house, and sometimes in your bathroom. They're the kids who experimented on mice at a young age. They're the ones who bring a lunch of saltines and mayonnaise to school. They're the ones with posters of Kathy Bates in their bedrooms. Nerds are actually people who where brainwashed by the Russians or the Chinese. This tactic was known as, "Operation Kick the American's Ass" during the Cold War. Now, all the nerds are deactivated and the American government uses them to level the country's I.Q. level, making up for all the dumbass southerners down there. Nerds are extremely smart, but low in physical power. It is extremely difficult to change nerds' personality and behaviour but some of them miraculously recover. In some rare cases, like the ones of Neo and Peter Parker, a nerd becomes a superhero. But some nerds become hackers or nerdy supervillains. Their mind is twisted and controlled to help the machines to achieve one purpose... DOMINION OF THE MACHINES. Nerds are the result of being brainwashed and genetically modified by AI machines created by mad scientists. This process starts since when the victims are infants. This makes the victims either obese or skinny with a large belly and lacks certain social abilities. Because AIs are not programmed by their creators to reproduce themselves in case something goes wrong them, AIs need nerds to find out way to reproduce AI machines. Of course, you can automatically qualify for becoming a nerd/loser/geek by having the name Sebastian. Nerds are very territorial mutants with large area of territory both in cyberspace and physical world. Although nerds lack physical strength and skills, they are extremely dangerous for their high intelligence capable of creating effective plans to stop intruders with traps and stealth. But when it comes to protecting their territories in cyberspace, intruders will not even last for 0.0001 seconds. The following is the list of places owned by nerds:
Despite popular belief, the 2-year old nerd is, in fact, not 2 years old, but has a mental flaw that has disabled the brain's aging, creating a very rare and particular sub-group of nerds. The 2-year old nerd was not discovered until early 2003, when a Norwegian study was performed. The 2-year old nerd can be very childish, (hence the name) and believes that such things as invisible cucumbers exist, and that saying "Swede!" (a cabbage-like vegetable) at the most pointless occasions is in some way amusing. The 2-year old nerd hates music, except for music that has NO musical value, but rather has a comedic lyrical value about poop. The 2-year old nerd can "nerd run", which is a form of running involving running in an almost 90 degree angle and moving very slowly. As a reminder, the 2-year old nerd is only a sub-group, and can be gaming nerds, lol nerds, or any other type of nerd.
These mostly sleepwalk, hit each other with clumps of couch foam, and sleep. Very little is known about them.
These nerds belong to a huge group (sometimes multiple groups) of other nerds that are completely obsessed with a particular series or idea. They usually have a freakish obsession with science fiction. The two biggest of these cults are the Star Wars cult and the Star Trek cult. Each one equally sucks, yet these Cultist Nerds are so obsessed with them, that they actually bicker with each other in a vain attempt to find which series is better. Cultist Nerds are even looked down upon by other nerds, which is truly tragic. Their only skill is reciting an infinite amount of useless Star Wars or Star Trek knowledge.
Least Annoying Type of Nerd
These nerds are generally the least disrespected type of nerd because they do things that others think are cool so that they are not completely ostracised. Or, they are generic nerds who proudly admit they are nerds. Although this results in sterilization, there are some people who respect their courage and decide to be friends with them any way. Their skills are:
Contrary to popular belief, nerds do actually do everything important in the world, such as become actors, run governments, write books, make the best TV shows, drinks, I-phones,websites, and companies making billions of dollars. Unfortunately around half of what matters to most people consists of being popular with your next door neighbours and having a social life within 1/2 mile of you. The problem is nerds always look at the big picture and always do great things, but since people are so cloistered and look at the small picture, the nerd is forever socially rejected and finds this the primary and disturbing problem of his life, despite making such a great, albeit unknown and important difference in the lives of others. They also try to redeem their integrity by making whiny, passive-aggressive entires on Urban Dictionary, Uncyclopedia etc. Nerds convince themselves into a delusion that making self-adulating statements to strangers on the internet is helping their case. They also have a false, self-regarding sense of superiority that is an obvious defense mechanism stemming from the bitterness of being chosen last in gym class. True geniuses such as Nikola Tesla are rolling over in their graves over a nerd's delusion that overindulging in non-important activities (video games, anime etc) is a hallmark of astronomical intelligence. But of course, their social ineptitudes and self-diagnosed Aspergers are entirely the faults of people who have actually hadsex before. Due to being locked in their bedrooms covered by black bedsheets, a nerd is entirely unaware of the contingent of non-nerds who have also accomplished great things. The main natural predator of the Nerd is the bully. Nerds live in perpetual fear of bullies, and will scuttle from dark corner to dark corner when they leave the nest. Bullies can sniff out a Nerd from two-hundred metres, as the Nerd releases a hormonal chemical called geekisterone when they sweat, speak, and/or urinate. The only way nerds can fight back is on-line. The Nerds usually become administrators of various on-line activities where they take revenge on the bullies. When confronted by an angry nerd (its Runescape account etc.), always remember to make as little physical contact as possible - nerds can be rabid, sweaty, smelly, diseased, or they may even have a lifesize figure of the U.S.S. Enteprise, fully equipped with all its weapons, shields, and a small plastic Captain Kirk. If you have a o mag, old comic, packet of nik naks etc. spare, then you may wish to offer this to the nerd as a peace offering. If not, try to escape (anywhere with daylight or running water/soap is good). If this seems impossible, simply wedgie them or tell them that their science project sucks, which will likely lower their self-confidence back down where it belongs. While the nerd mopes, make your getaway.
not very interesting, as they are the opposite of birds. Unlike all most birds, fish swim. Just as there are very few waterborne birds, there are very few airborne fish. A fishing license is required to capture fish, not so for birds (bow and arrow method NOT recommended). A typical fish is characterized by three dorsal humps, two eyes and a knowing smile. Fish have slit-like nose tubes on the side of their heads; known alternatively as gills. Although Wizards are immune to birds, they have very few defenses against a fish's powerful and destructive attacks. Wizards usually succumb to fish strikes which are almost invariable lethal. Depending on the age and constitution of the wizard, and their affinity for fish, some mages are reduced to long hours of game show watching to recover in full. Because of their dominant relationship with regards to wizards, fish have been found in bodies of water all over the world since the age of Merlin. (In contrast, bird populations have been largely ignored by wizards, showing a notable diminution of interest since the bronze age.) Psychologically speaking, a wizard so befuddle by a fish has been Jasonized, as witnessed by Merlin's testimony here: "Although litigious by nature, the Jasonited wizard's interaction with fish has been relatively quite of late. Whether in Wisconsin or Normandy, Jason fishes completely synthesize new protein, ate six shillings, a tank of bacon, and a wallet taco. Generally, several experts and specialists have concluded that it is indisputable: Jason either is the best or is not the best of the fish -- so much for the social sciences. The vapidity of Jason's protein synthesis landed him in hot water (figuratively), although he begat seven sons in so doing. Each son, zealously named an argonaut, joined Jason on an adventure for a Gold Fleece. Confronting alternating bouts of feast and famine, toil and virtue, bird and beak, Jason sheered the goat, foiled the Titans, and returned to Greece, victorious and resplendent -- all in a days work. He initiated a tort claim for negligence with respect to his boat, but ultimately settled out of court, despite Judge Judy's urging. He has recently reinstated sales of the baconater." On occasion, fish are shown through glass tanks in evolved apes' dining rooms. Fish are generally loved by the masses: lots of people eat them. Unlike water, fish have a more complex cycle. If a fish moves too close to the water's surface on a hot day, it immediately evaporates. This process is called defishiration. During the process, there is enough force to separate each fish into Supercharged Fish Atoms(SFA). SFA makes up 50% of all clouds. After a while, SFA combines with water vapour in the air. The SFA reacts with the water vapour in the air to change the water vapour into liquid form. Condensation does not exist. This molecule is called H20Fish1. At the next "Rainfall", SFA follows the water to the sea. In contact with sea water, SFA revert back to fishes in the form of babies. Hence, the cycle continues. Yes, rainwater is 50% protein. Vatican scientists have recently become aware of the existence of a rare species of invisible fish. It's impossible to see an invisible fish because it would in fact be invisible. Invisible fish exist out of phase with the dimension we exist in, so not only can you not see them, but it's also impossible to hear, touch taste and/or smell them. We do in fact know that they exist because Einstein said so. Fish Fingers are small long pieces of fish covered in bread crumbs which are usually bought in frozen form, known as "Fish Sticks" by Americans. A definition for "Fish Fingers" is of a rather less innocent nature and not something you would feed your five-year-old son for tea.